THE CHRISTMAS BOMBARDMENT

Two weeks ago, my two sisters-in-law came to tea, all the way from our childhood home of Fowey, Cornwall, and it was lovely. It was so sweet of them to come, and fortunately I had already had my infusion, after several days of feeling absolutely awful.

I have mixed feelings about this time of year, perhaps heightened by these days of feeling awful... but I wonder if you feel the same way about the bombardment by people who need some money? They are all really good causes but you can't decide which one... should you give a little bit to this one, and a little bit to that one, or all to one charity? When you're not feeling amazing yourself, can you find the energy for it, or do you just shut your mind to it, and not worry about it at all? 

There is one charity I know I am going to give to this year, and that is the Arthur Rank Hospice Charity. It is the most amazing place - an incredible building, with the most amazing help made available. I have had some counselling there already, and have more sessions to come. I can just say what I feel, which is wonderful. Perhaps that is what decides the choice in the end... we give to the place that touches our heart through the most personal connection.

(Images: Fowey, Arthur Rank Hospice and Bloomsbury Therapy Centre)

TWO BLACK EYES AND A POT OF GOLD

Where has the month gone? My weeks are chocka with hospital visits and visits from friends and relations. I've barely had time for a film (except a rewatch of Little Women) or any television. But in the absence of those, I do have a story to tell about a little man named Terry. Well, actually he's not that little. When you see him stretched out on the chair with his feet up, he's actually quite tall, I think, but oh God, he's so thin. It was nice to see him the other day dressed in fairly new clothes, but he had terribly red rims around his eyes - oh, speaking of eyes, I've got a black eye, can you believe it? I think I got it when I was laughing with Caroline! Anyway, back to Terry - he was telling me has had to go into a home as his wife had recently died, and he was absolutely hating it. 'People don't converse in the home,' he said, 'they just look into space', which must be hard to take. His son, 50 years old, is trying to remodel their downstairs into a bath and bedroom while he's in the nursing home... but this is not the amazing part of the story. The extraordinary bit is that his wife used to beat him up! Apart from the verbal abuse, she broke his nose. I felt really, really sorry for him. He must have been so ground down, that he hadn't had the energy to leave her. He's a mild and clever man, an instrument maker, who ended his career with ten years at the university. 

Now here's the twist... his wife, who was very good and kind to their elderly neighbour, ended up being the recipient of £300,000 when the old lady died! Isn't life bizarre? The only silver lining is that his wife bought a house with that money, and, now that she has died, Terry is going to inherit it. Small justice, perhaps? 

LAVENHAM (A TRIAL ESCAPE)

Lavenham for a day and a night sounded the perfect trial getaway for me. Considered one of England's most perfect medieval villages, every house is beautifully painted and beautifully looked after. 

There are also lots of unusual shops, several of which are woolly shops. Well before the industrial revolution, Lavenham's specialty was a woollen fabric known as 'Lavenham Blue', the yarn dyed before spinning using woad ...

The industry declined when Dutch weavers produced cheaper cloth, and a new industry developed - weaving horsehair. The most recent addition to Lavenham's history is of course the filming location of Harry Potter's birthplace, Godric's Hollow'...

Hoping to capture some of our hotel's charm, I decided to photograph it in the morning before we left, hoping for better weather, only to discover a grey, dismal day. Not at its best, sadly. The folded up brolly you see below, was in a sweet little courtyard in our hotel. 

The hotel was great but our room was miles away from the dining room and the sitting room (or 'lounge' as they call it now), so you went up a staircase, through a little corridor, down a few steps, then you went along and then up a few steps and then you went along, and then down another lot of steps and then you went along and then you went up and around and turned this way and that way... I felt I'd walked a marathon before I got to my room!! Perhaps not surprising then, that I had a little fall on the way down, after we'd rested and had to retrace the marathon for dinner! Couldn't possibly do it all again for breakfast - before and after - so we packed our things before breakfast and the hotel staff brought our suitcases down for us. There were closer rooms downstairs, but the hotel was absolutely full.

Lavenham was my trial escape, and it was good, but I felt very much out of my comfort zone, and it was quite an ordeal to go away. Not the packing, rather the being somewhere you didn't know, and being faced with things you didn't know. The staff not wearing masks worried me a little, although not for long. You get used to things, don't you? But it made me appreciate home more and more. I was so sure I wanted to travel. I thought I would like to go further afield... well, I don't! I don't want to. I'm very happy here. And why wouldn't I be?

 

Moving On

A week free from chemo! Like being on a marvellous holiday in the sunny Alps, free to do anything! 

Well, almost anything. My taste came back towards the end of that week and I felt really great apart from my feet - and I seemed more 'with it'!

The new chemo, a rather bright red liquid in 2 large syringes and a colourless single large syringe, were administered very slowly five days ago.  It's not my intention to dwell on my illness as I have said before but as this is a new event, I thought I might share it with you especially as I was sooo tired right from the beginning.  I couldn't believe that it would affect me so quickly and I was totally unprepared.  I've been sailing along for all these weeks without major, major effects and suddenly wherever I am sitting, I fall asleep.  Not just a snooze but absolutely asleep.

These days I have extreme light headedness and wonder where this is all going to end up. My legs and feet swell and I am breathless in the night and coming up stairs. Consequently, I end up in A&E on Saturday evening with no Strictly to watch!

Film Critique!

Last weekend brought an unexpected outing to the cinema.  Now I have always adored films and as a youngster spent every Saturday morning watching cartoons, exciting westerns and other cinematic entertainment - bliss. So any excuse today sees me galloping to the screens. My patient relaxed chauffeur drove into Cambridge and into the worst traffic jam.  I tried to stay relaxed and calm but when we were in walking distance of the cinema, my chauffeur suggested I went on foot as we were definitely not going anywhere soon.  Hence I arrived in Screen 2 as shown on my ticket where we had agreed to meet after parking the car. On entering into the darkness as the film had started, I could not see anything but this black and white film with subtitles and people singing in what looked like dutch costume.  Ah! a trailer, I thought, stumbling to find a seat and be quiet.  Jolly long trailer.....

After rummaging around in my handbag I found my torch, looked at my ticket again....yes, right screen but I knew this could not possibly be The Wife which I had come to see. So, gathering all my clobber I stumbled up the stairs, still in pitch darkness and out into the foyer. Espying someone cinematic, I ascertained that the screen had been changed for The Wife and it was in two! I was shown the way as the film had started and sank into my seat worrying about my friend finding me! She did, not too long afterwards.

The main reason I was so disappointed with The Wife was because, here was Glenn Close cast with the aspiration of an Oscar.  Why, oh, why then wasn't it just made in America with all the expertise of American/British directors etc.  The cinematography was so awful - with those dreadful long focuses on the actors saying nothing and expecting the audience to know what was in their heads - and the dialogue was unbelievably dreadful, saying ridiculous inane things to each other and expecting us to get involved with their juvenile thoughts. All this probably sounds very harsh but it is only my opinion. The plot was also unoriginal and I can imagine we have all read a similar one before. Don't be put off by my opinion but, if you go to see it, prepared to be bored stiff!!  And if Glen Close gets an Oscar, I shall 'eat my hat'!

The next day, lounging comfortably on my sofa, I watched Moonstruck - a proper, beautifully constructed film with a great story - funny and poignant and great dialogue. The main star was Cher and one was able to absorb her character as well as everyone else's. 

The storyline was completely believable and all the characters had their own stories which were melded into the plot becoming a family affair, in more ways than one. A film to enjoy again. Recommended to me and I recommend it to you.

Appreciation!

I realise that I have not acknowledged all the wonderful loving kindness of my family and friends over the last nine, now nearly ten weeks of being a patient! Everyone has been phenomenal and I have received beautiful cards full of encouraging words, letters and phone calls. I've been ferried about and looked after, helped with major decisions and kept company at my chemo sessions even when I fall asleep. So here and now I want to say 'a big THANK YOU' to you all and thank you especially to the stoic ones who haven't become bored with me and shower me with their love, keep me laughing and smiling and distracted.  All loved by me too. I'm not going to write about my family as they know how much I love them and what strength they give me - they are all the most precious jewels and I am so lucky. This postscript must be added, however, because today I received the most unexpected parcel from my four elder grandchildren.  Such a surprise! Inside I discovered the most luxurious sheepskin slipper boots one could ever wish for...

My feet have been very sore and numb (neuropathy to those in the know!) and these slippers are B..L..I..S..S. Not sure I will ever take them off.  A huge thank you to these wonderful children from their everloving Granny T.

I could write so much about my wig experience (if you're ever in the same position, do email and I can fill you in) which was made so easy being accompanied on several occasions by another loving friend. The wig expert was fun and kind and knew exactly what I wanted. The only scary bit was having my hair shaved off and looking like Yul Brynner! However, this enabled me to wear my lovely turbans bought for me by a dear friend whose husband died in June after living for many years with cancer.

Our families have been close friends for forty six years and my greatest sadness is that I have only been able to give support by phone and email as she lives too far away for me to visit at the moment. Her grief is far worse than my problem but, I suppose, we will both mend eventually!

Books I Have Been Reading

I thought it would be nice to talk about books I've been reading, particularly at this time as it's sometimes difficult to read anything very strenuous and different times of the day require different books.

The Penguin Lessons: This book is very special as it was the first book I read after I was diagnosed. It was given to me by a dear family friend, who himself had cancer many years ago. It was a wonderfully uplifting book and took me somewhere I have never been in my life.  

Treasure Palaces: This was the book I wanted to read every night when I went to bed, as I was always tired. Every chapter is a different museum in America and Europe. Every chapter is written by a different author, for whom a different museum meant something. 

All The Light We Cannot See: I rejected this book originally until I was actually given it as a present a few weeks ago, and was told it was absolutely wonderful. I am enjoying it, but I'm being a bit slow. So I shall report.